Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about blogging. What do I really want to do with my blog? What do I want to write about? What kind of blogger am I?

One thing I come back to is that whole “category” thing – I’m a lifestyle blogger, but I usually say I blog about beauty and weight loss. Except that if I’m going to say that I blog about weight loss it would be kind of nice if I actually lost some weight.

Last night was my biweekly weigh in with my trainer. We know one thing my trainer is particularly good at is giving motivational speeches.

This week his advice went something like this: “You’re spending too much time taking selfies and blogging. Stop with the selfies and start using that time to work on your goals” (I may have paraphrased that just slightly). Oh hi, Jason.

Look at that, a no-makeup, crazy hair selfie. I’ll bring my nice progress pictures back next month but since I’ve put basically no effort into my weight loss this month (illness aside) and last month wasn’t much better it only makes sense to phone it on my pictures as well. Here’s the honest truth:

And before you can get on me about bad angles and lighting, have some more truth:

January 3, 2014 – 252 pounds
April 9, 2014 – 255 pounds
Total – +3 pounds

Those 3 pounds feel so much bigger than 3 pounds because I was down to 246 at one point. I’m also 17.5 pounds away from where I had hoped to be by the end of this month so there’s that. I set a goal for myself to lose and keep off 30 pounds this year so I have to get to work.

It’s easy for me to fall into a place of “if I really wanted this as badly as I say I do I would just do the necessary work and start seeing some results…I must not really want it if I’m not willing to work for it.” While there’s definitely a component of truth to that, I don’t know if it’s fair. Given my “all or nothing” perfectionist tendencies it’s a bit too close to beating myself up.

Like I said on Tuesday, I lack consistency in my habits more than anything else. Going through short-term motivation sprees where I do everything right just won’t cut it. Obviously developing consistent behaviors is going to take time, but it’s what I’m going to focus on. Maybe I do need to go as far as making a sticker chart so I can see my chances to improve, I don’t know.

What I do know is that I have the chance to make changes. I have the tools I need, access to the information I need, and certainly the time. I’m not really using all my time taking selfies and blogging (obviously) but I have made it to season 4 of Breaking Bad already so clearly I can redirect some of that time without compromising anything. Right now I’m the only thing standing in my way so I need to stop letting myself down and start succeeding!

Edited 4/21 because my trainer is not a jackass and I made him sound like one. The conversation you see here is now a much more accurate depiction of our last conversation. The original wording can be seen in the comments below along with my response. I wasn’t considerate or thoughtful when I was writing this post and I’m embarrassed I didn’t do a better job.  

{ 3 comments }

My Body Does

April 8, 2014

When we’re young it’s pretty typical to engage in what’s known as “magical thinking” – no idea what recent theories say on the subject but when I was in high school this was a thing (one my mother accused me of more than once). It’s basically saying things to yourself like “that won’t ever happen […]

Give Me More! →

Good News, Bad News

April 7, 2014

Under my “top searches” this morning you’ll see this lovely gem: BRB, lol-ing for days. Dramatic much? But then again, who doesn’t feel like they’re being tested on Monday mornings? I have a hard time with them every week, and it’s not like it’s some big surprise that Monday is coming. You’d think by this […]

Give Me More! →

Weekly Check In – Underwhelmed

April 3, 2014

There’s pretty much only one way to describe how I feel today: Exhausted. I thought I would feel 100% better by now and I’m telling you, I feel a thousand times better than I did last week. But I’m still really tired and it’s not the kind of tired that you can combat with exercise. […]

Give Me More! →

Orange Lips, Pale Face

April 1, 2014

I heard that orange lips were going to be a thing this year and I’m still cringing over that idea. I’m generally in favor of running far, far away from that trend as I’m pretty sure it will be the kind of thing we look back on and go “ohh, right…that was a thing we […]

Give Me More! →

Quiet Weekend, Take 2

March 31, 2014

It was another lazy weekend for me, this time completely by choice. Mom and I braved the first farmer’s market of the year – armed with hot coffee to keep us from freezing in the rain. Since our growing season has been a bit stunted by all this snow there were no big wins – […]

Give Me More! →

The Weekly Check In That Wasn’t

March 27, 2014

If I could describe how I feel about this week I think it would be like this: I’m feeling so much better after my horrible sick weekend, but I’m still recovering. I expected to bounce back but no. These things take time. As my father so eloquently put it, “these things move through you like […]

Give Me More! →