Something I struggle with on a regular basis is the way I still don’t feel like I “belong” in the gym.
I know I don’t have to tell you this, but this is a lie. I belong in the gym just as much as anyone else who pays to go there. But that little voice in my head is forever saying “who do you think you are?”
And on some level there’s a disconnect. Yes, I know what I’m doing but I don’t always know what I’m doing. You could talk to me all day about lat pull downs and my eyes would glaze over and I’d be like “Uh…I don’t think I know what that is.”
And then you would say, “What’s that noise?” and I would say, “Oh, that’s just my trainer beating his head against the wall because we do those every week, I just forgot the name.”
Ultimately, I might do legitimate work but I certainly don’t feel like a legitimate athlete. Which is why it’s easy for me to dismiss all of those “rules” and “guidelines” for people who exercise. Like making sure I drink enough water, get enough sleep, take my vitamins, etc.
Or, you know, remembering to stretch. At all. Ever. (Spoiler alert)
Those things are for people who belong in the gym. People who are legitimate athletes. Not people like me.
I guess you know where this is going, huh?
I didn’t follow the rules and now I’m on the shame list. I’m not hurt. I’m just…not right (don’t say it, I know, I was never right to begin with).
Imagine it like this: You squat down and it feels like your belt buckle is digging into your hip. Only you’re not wearing a belt and there’s not actually anything there that could be causing that kind of pressure.
That’s what I have and it means babying my hip by not doing anything (not even swimming) more than walking/yoga until it decides to go away. It also means sitting is really uncomfortable.
Yes, I’m 27 years old and I suddenly have a hip problem. 27 going on 88, I swear.
I’m not going to lie, I’ve had a really bad attitude about it. I’m blaming myself and sulking and it’s not cute. But I’m trying to be thankful it’s not a real injury and just keep swimming (figuratively speaking). And let’s be honest – a year ago I would have accepted this as an excuse to lie on my couch. “Oh, sorry, can’t work out. I’m injured (koff, koff).” Today that won’t happen. I’ll walk. I’ll stretch. I’ll keep doing upper body workouts.
My bad attitude today is a sign of a bigger attitude shift overall. And that’s kind of cool.
It’s not so cool to learn lessons the hard way. And it’s not so cool that this happened the week of Fitbloggin. Not that I so hoped to impress anyone there with my (lack of) mad skills, just that I wanted to go and have fun trying new things. But it could have been worse and at least everyone at Fitbloggin will get it (and I know I won’t be the only one modifying her way through workouts this weekend. Injuries love company, right?). I promise not to bring any of my sulking and moping with me – but I will bring a water bottle!
What lies do you tell yourself? How do you get past the feeling of “not belonging” ?