In a lot of ways it feels like I’m just on vacation. My whole family is here, but it’s a new house and a lot of my stuff is staying in the garage so it doesn’t quite feel like “home.” I can get to the grocery store and a coffee shop but otherwise I have to rely on Waze to help me get around. It’s comfortable but also…not. I am, of course, already homesick.
But that’s how it goes when you make any sort of major life change. We’ve all heard it before “change is hard,” “no one likes change” and so forth. Platitudes are less than helpful when they actually apply to you, right? Don’t get me wrong, I know I have it pretty easy in terms of transitions but my day to day life is still completely different and I don’t really know what it will look like a few months from now. That’s the hard part!
There are moments when I feel like I’ve blown up my whole life. I remember this isn’t a vacation, it’s my new home. I wonder what I was even thinking. And why? Why did I leave everything? Was it really that bad?
A lot of those questions and worries started before I even left. I shared that with my boss and at my going away party my colleagues presented me with this beautiful plate. It’s inscribed, “Change is Good” and I’m already dreaming of putting it in a place of honor on my future new makeup vanity (that’s right, I left the old one behind). It was exactly what I needed to hear and keep needing.
Because change is good…but it can be intimidating and sometimes painful. In my case it’s the fear of the unknown that causes my stress. I’m doing a lot of “if I had __ then I would feel better.” Which is okay because it provides me with a sense of direction, but it’s only okay as long as I don’t let it get in the way of enjoying everything I already have and celebrating the blessings that even made this change possible.
“I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit.”
– John 15: 1&2
It’s not that what I had before was bad, it’s just that I want more. I want something better. And I am surrounded by people who keep reminding me of that. Change is good…but supportive friends and family members are better. I wouldn’t be here without everyone’s encouragement, that’s for sure!
As I said before, I know this is temporary. It’s a growing pain. Soon enough I will actually get settled and be able to build my life here. Most of the time I am very excited to see what comes next and how it all works out – because I know it will work out.